Peace Comes When You Transition From

Anger To Acceptance

By Babs Kincaid

     Anger is a cruel drill sergeant, is what I learned growing up in the home of an angry alcoholic dad. God expresses it best: “Anger is cruel.” Proverbs 27:4a According to Strong’s Exhaustive concordance the Hebrew word #394 for cruel means “terrible.” My dad was a ticking time bomb who expected daily perfection from me. His tongue was like an arrow that pierced my heart as he tore me apart daily with disapproval and rebuke! Check out the perspective of the Creator of the universe: “A deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4b  I felt pulverized like salt! As I grew up my love tank was depleted as the years progressed, until my love for him was replaced with pure anger and hate. 

          I spent many years carrying a backpack of anger that I felt justified to share with others. I had no idea that anger was ruling my life! God’s word shines the light on this issue: “sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7b I had relinquished my control to anger and it ruled me! I could not shake off the painful scenario, so I replayed it for others any chance I could. I wanted the world to know how I had been wronged! I was a bitter woman with a deadly poison infecting my mind, body, and spirit! Reliving my pain over and over again only prevented my painful wound from healing! I was unable to move forward in my life. Resentment filled my thoughts, as I felt my dad had stolen my childhood. Check out God’s viewpoint: “The godless in heart harbor resentment,” Job36:13 That was an accurate description of me. “Resentment limits our ability to live in the present. Holding on to resentment causes anger, stress, anxiety, depression, and frustration. Resentment keeps us focused on the person or situation causing the negative feelings. It prevents us from accepting God’s healing.” Twelve Steps for Christians by Friends in Recovery.  I viewed myself as a pitiful victim in life. I had no idea that my negative drama was offensive to others. I was stuck in a toxic cycle:

A = annoyance

N = negative emotion

G = grudge

E = enraging

R = resentment

“sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7b

       When I finally allowed God to take the lead in my life, I learned that Jesus wanted joy to be my strength! I had been misguided into believing that anger was my strength. Check out the truth in God’s word: “Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10 To break free from my prison, I had to forgive my dad and allow God to heal my broken heart. I made a list of all the lies my dad had told me and lined them against God’s word. I learned I wasn’t created to be condemned by my earthly father. God’s word says it best: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 My dad had used anger to control me and my Savior Jesus has used mercy to love me! My dad had held me in bondage with his anger and my beloved Heavenly Father had set me free to love. 

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you…Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27

         When I transitioned from anger to acceptance, peace was my amazing reward. Anger is the second phase of the grief process and acceptance is the last. The grief process goes from shock, anger, negotiation, sorrow, to acceptance. The first two lines from The Serenity Prayer* hold some vital keys to acceptance: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” by theologian-philosopher Reinhold Niebuhr.

Forgiving my dad led to my accepting the abusive childhood I couldn’t change and my reward of serenity. I can now be thankful for the gift of mercy God gave me to minister to others because of my agonizing experience. Reaching out to others in compassion had replaced my motivation to react in anger and curse my dad!  God says it best: “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” James 2:13b Yea God for my victory and peace!!!

          *Serenity Prayer   “The prayer was originally conceived in response to the barbaric evil of Nazi Germany that threatened civilization itself during World War II…Reinhold was a first-generation German-American…who was safe from persecution but powerless to intervene against Hitler.” Susan Cheever from The Fix

Bullying: An encounter meant for evil

God turned around for good

By Babs Kincaid

“you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good.” Genesis 50:20

My heart sunk the day my oldest son came home from school and said: “I don’t want to ride in that carpool anymore!”  My son Sam was enrolled in elementary school and I was working so carpooling seemed to be a great fit for our family. Immediately, I asked him why he wanted to withdraw from the carpool. Then I heard the words every mom dreads to hear from my son: “They made fun of me and call me names!”  So I learned he was riding to school with a mini group of girl bullies! My blood was boiling and my first reaction was to remove him from the scene of the crime! “How dare they attack an innocent person who means them no harm?” I thought. The truth was Sam was going to a Christian school, but the girls were not living after the role model of Christ. The bullies had not understood or learned the scriptures: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers…Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you…And be kind to one another,” Ephesians 4:29, 31, 32a Ending the carpool seemed like the most obvious solution, but I was checked in my spirit to pray to God for wisdom!

According to Parents Magazine, bullying can start at an early age and has possible root causes. Allan L. Beane, Ph.D., author of The Bully Free Classroom gives insight on the subject: “Research indicates that bullying behavior can start as early as age 3. Research also shows that children who are exposed to aggression on a consistent basis may imitate the behavior they observe. Such children, for instance, may live in an abusive household, witness their parents' uncontrolled anger, or feel neglected and unloved. Children must understand that bullies have a need for power and control over others and a desire to hurt people.”

“Call to Me, and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things

 which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3

To my surprise, God gave me an astonishing and creative response to my prayers that I would never have dreamed of! Some of my favorite scriptures motivated me to dig deeper in prayer with God into my son’s dilemma: “Call to Me, and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know.” Jeremiah 33:3 and “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, says the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9 Meditate on those two scriptures to get a colorful visual of God’s brilliant ways! God told me to give Sam a pad of paper and a pencil to draw with on the ride to school! Are you kidding me, how will that ever help the situation I thought? God knew that Sam could draw and he had an extraordinary plan to capitalize on it! Even though that made no sense to me, I followed God’s instructions. Reluctantly, Sam entered the car armed with his weapons of a pad of paper and a pencil. I remember Jesus said: “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves.” Matthew 10:16 Totally he was fully armed and dangerous to fight the bullies! Not! To my great shock, Sam came home that day with a positive report! He said the girls asked him what he was doing and when he showed them his drawings he became a hero! He had moved from jerk to genius in their eyes! Game changer! Immediately one of the girls asked him to draw them a picture of a horse! God works in mysterious ways, but profound ways that make for a winning outcome for sure!  That was the end of the carpool bullying for Sam! Yea God!!! The encounter that had been set up for evil God turned around for good! Yea God!!!

 “And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

Prayer… The untapped Gift for a believer

 to lead a rewarding life

by Babs Kincaid

Glorious prayer gave birth to one of my favorite mile markers in my life that occurred in a beautiful Easter pageant. I had been attending a small church and had been privileged to play the role of Mary. For me that was both intimidating and humbling! I surprised myself by agreeing to take on such a daunting assignment! I struggled with believing that I could do justice to such an eloquent task! I kept thinking it is going to take a miracle for me to do a credible job at this task! As we rehearsed the inspiring pageant, I felt so out of my comfort zone! I felt like I was just going through the motions at best! I was sure the choir director could sense my uneasiness! Easter is my favorite holiday beside Christmas, so I didn’t want my hang-ups to detract from the magnificent message of eternal life in Christ! The truth I knew in my heart was this promise: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7 As I continued in prayer, I felt my confidence shift from myself to God! Talking to God has always made a huge difference in any challenge I have faced!

That Easter Sunday, it was almost as if that moment in time I was transported to “the Place of a Skull, which is called Golgotha, where they crucified Him…” John 19:17b in Israel. That morning, all other sounds and faces faded away and I believed I was there at the grief-stricken cross of Jesus. I removed the crown of thorns from the cross, studied it, and fell to my knees in excessive pain with tears streaming down my face. It was as if Simeon’s prophecy hit me like lightening, “a sword will pierce through your own soul also” Luke 2:35a. The Holy Spirit allowed me to feel a fraction of what Mary might have felt. When it was over, I marveled at what had just transpired! I mention it to my choir director and he said he had prayed all night for the cast by name. Wow, I felt so humbled and grateful for his fervent and passionate prayers! Truly the “effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” James 5:16b Because of all the collective prayers God moved mightily!    I can’t tell you how fulfilling that experience was for me. Literally it was a moment in time that took my breath away! I felt like Heaven had opened up and poured out a tremendous anointing on me! What was phenomenal to me that day was my experience for the second service was precisely the same! I felt like the powerhouse of the Holy Spirit was moving through me in a wondrous way! What a gratifying gift from God!

“He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.” Hebrews 11:6b

      The day that God flipped a public speaking experience of mine from catastrophe to celebration because of humble prayer was unforgettable! It was a mile marker in my life, I will never forget. God had divinely placed a joyful mentor named “Uptown Patsy Brown” in my life. One day she asked me to share one of my original devotions with her women’s group. I said yes, even though I was shocked and terrified at the same time. I invited my prayer warrior mom to come for moral support! My car was meticulously packed with my Bible, purse, a beautifully wrapped package, and my easel of paper. In my frenzy to get ready, I had forgotten one key item! You guessed it…..my notes! Yikes! Way to crash and burn before I even begin right? My mind flooded with fear! I felt like I was about to jump out of a plane with no parachute! “Help God” was my silent prayer! I opened the group with prayer and confessed to them: “Unless God brings the message today we will not be hearing anything but silence!” Well, my prayer ended and timidly I opened my mouth to speak as I smiled at the welcoming faces! God showed up majestically to my great delight and relief and brought an inspirational message! Yea God for answering my contrite prayer! My mom and I both were amazed at what came out of my mouth! Check it out: “And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.” John 14:13 Glory to God! Yea Jesus! What a Heaven drop blessing! What a Heavenly Father, who I can always count on to be my knight in shining armor! Talking to God is truly a privilege and His faithful responses to my prayers are a double reward!
      
      Take away: I wonder how many Heaven drop stories I could share if I sought out God more often in fervent prayer for my solutions?