Surprise a Codependent Dance doesn’t get a Rose by Babs Kincaid

When you take dance lessons you learn a basic principle the guy leads and the girl follows. If the girl tries to lead while the guy is simultaneously trying to lead there is chaos. Someone usually gets their foot stepped on! Ouch! Trust me it isn’t a pretty scene! Since God wants to be your Master dance partner in life, he leads and you follow. Remember Jesus said to the disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.” Matthew 16:24 So clearly when you dance with Jesus, he leads.

So what is a codependent dance and why doesn’t it score a rose? According to Mental Health America codependency is defined as “an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.” So you can see why someone picking the wrong partner to dance with is not going to get a majestic rose! The golden key is who you choose in life to follow!

With codependency I can choose to follow other people, or things rather than choosing to follow Jesus. I can make an idol out of another person, sport, hobby or job. Rather than focus all my attention and passion on Jesus, I can concentrate all my mind, and body on other people or things. Many people with codependency get side tracked with their own people pleasing addiction or approval addiction and Jesus gets crowded out of the spotlight. But you say, I want to be in control!” So how is that working for you? Let’s see you have asked the creator of the universe to ride in the back seat because you have a better handle on your destiny! Really?????  Here is God’s perspective, “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go.” Isaiah 48:17b If you want the best journey in life, you will follow Jesus! You will follow Jesus in everything!

Let me give you a classic example of a codependent dance scenario. A friend of mine felt like she had met the man of her dreams. She hung on his every word and gesture and talked about him all the time. She seemed obsessed with him. Her friends noticed that she was passionate about the idea of them becoming a couple. Her friends tried to give her a reality check reminding her he didn’t seem like the serious type. Her friends argued he wasn’t good enough for her. She wasn’t interested in reason or facts as she was high on feeling the emotional ties of the relationship. She spent many sleepless nights meditating on their possible relationship. She had fallen for a guy who wasn’t available. It was a one-sided relationship that didn’t go anywhere. She said she was following her heart! She followed him all the way from Georgia to California before she got a wakeup call! He introduced her to his real girlfriend in California! Ouch! That was a major crash and burn moment for her! Think about how much time and energy she had wasted in never never land! Look again at God’s perspective When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

The golden nugget is who you choose in life to follow!

My Ultimate Makeover From A Broken Spirit To A Joyful Heart By Babs Kincaid

            Who doesn’t love a hair makeover? Doesn’t it do something to encourage your mind, body, and spirit! Magically, it lifts your spirit and makes you feel uniquely attractive. It produces a wow factor and an inner confidence that turns heads!

          Let me flip back in time to my personal story to show you how a simple hair makeover transformed my life. In my middle twenties, I was in a bad space. My world was saturated with fear, shame, and anger. I walked around with tremendous baggage from my childhood of hurts, hang-ups, and bad habits. My negative thinking could fill a luxury cruise ship. I was miserable and all my efforts to medicate my pain were a failure. I was so afraid because I daily used marijuana to escape from all my unhappiness. Being high meant I could feel no pain. I felt shameful because I knew what I was doing was wrong but I didn’t have the courage to stop. I was angry because I had grown up with an alcoholic dad who was verbally abusive and made me feel worthless! I felt like I had been cheated out of a positive childhood because of my low self-esteem. I remember walking through the halls of high school looking at the floor because I felt I wasn’t good enough to make eye contact with other students. 

          My secret passion in life was to find love, peace, and joy. My formula for happiness was to seek for love in bars, peace in drugs and joy in self-absorbed men. My life was in the toilet and my best efforts were a colossal disaster. I was so out of touch of how to make healthy choices. I felt trapped in a prison of darkness and hopelessness. I desperately wanted a changed life and freedom from my destructive lifestyle.

          Taking a small leap of faith, I decided the change I needed was to get a hair makeover from a stranger. For me to believe that a hair makeover could drastically change my upside down life was beyond crazy. Why would I ever trust a stranger to restyle my hair? The hairdresser was a sister of a friend and highly recommended. The truth was I was desperate for a miracle. 

          To my surprise, my hairdresser Peggy O'Barr was a single mom who lived in an ordinary apartment but who radiated extraordinary joy. I was captivated by her dazzling joy. I couldn’t figure out what she had to be joyful about. She didn’t even have a boyfriend. Puzzled, I asked her “What is the source of your joy?” Peggy’s response was “Jesus.” That made no sense to me. Mystified, I asked her “Can I have what you have?” Peggy quickly responded “yes.” Intrigued, I asked her “What do I have to do to get what you have?” Peggy told me I didn’t have to do anything but believe. God’s gift is free! She began to tell me the gospel in simple terms. Peggy told me that God loved me and had a plan for my life. She said my sins separated me from God. God didn’t want to live without me so He sent his son Jesus to earth to pay for my sins. Jesus died for me and rose to take away the sins of the world forever. Peggy told me this simple prayer of salvation: 

Heavenly Father….Thank you for sending Jesus to earth.

 Jesus thank you for dying for me.

 Please forgive me for all my sins.

 I believe you died for my sins and rose from the dead.

I want you to take control of my life.

 I want to live for you and follow you as my Savior and LORD.

 In Jesus name, Amen.

To my surprise, after I prayed I felt my backpack of fear, shame and anger lift and my heart flood with love, peace, and joy. The next morning, I heard a quiet voice in my heart say “You don’t need to do drugs anymore. I have a higher high for you and it will last forever.” Wow, what a spiritual awakening for me! From that moment on I had no desire to do drugs ever again. That was a huge deliverance for me!!!! I was set free forever!!!!! All I could say was “wow!” “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God raised him up from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:9

My new life in Christ had begun. That was the best day of my life!!!  I am so grateful for Peggy,  my best hairdresser ever who told me the truth that set me free! Peggy will always have a special place in my heart! What Jesus had given me was beyond my wildest dreams!!!!! God gave me oceans of forgiveness, a gift of grace and a future with hope! Jesus said he was called “to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;” Isaiah 61:3 You can have the same ultimate makeover from God. God is eagerly waiting to receive you!

Jesus said, “I am come that they might have life,

and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:1

Beautiful Relationships are Unsurpassed in Love with Builders & Not Bulldozers by Babs Kincaid

Beautiful Relationships Are Unsurpassed In Love

 With Builders & Not Bulldozers

By Babs Kincaid

      I feel that my most cherished friends and family use countless opportunities to build me up in my faith. Some of my favorite blessings are the valuable friendships that I have. My beloved friends and family add so much hope and enrichment to my life. Truly I see them as gifts from God! They have challenged me to overcome my fears and depend solely on God. I would give these positive supporters the worthy title “Builders.” God says it best: “Let all things be done for building up.” 1 Corinthians 14:26b Building others up is a Godly approach to keep your relationships healthy and not alienated.

Since I am a visual person the word builder strikes a distinct image to me of someone who adds value and enrichment to someone or something. Visualize a builder of a house constructing something worthwhile and useful. Picture a bulldozer in your mind. Contrast a builder with a bulldozer. A bulldozer demolishes something and makes it unusable! I have met some people who are quick to tear down people by their harsh criticism or bad behavior! The word bulldozer seems to suit them well! Each day, I have the choice to frame my words to sound like a builder or a bulldozer. I can use my words to destroy others or build them up. I can do the same with my behavior. Consider the wisdom of God in Proverbs 14:1 “The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”

        Relationships are really important to God so no wonder he had so much to teach on the subject. God’s word says it best: “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” Hebrews10:24-25 Clearly God wants us to behave like a builder rather than a bulldozer. I once knew a young guy who told me he was in a rocky relationship with a gal who treated him badly. He felt like he was used in the relationship for her selfish desires. He told me he wanted to get revenge and asked my opinion. I said walk away from her. The word says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Ephesians 4:29 I told him my take on builders and bulldozers. I asked him if he wanted to be remembered by God and others as a builder or a bulldozer. He said: “a builder of course!” So I told him if someone treats you badly move on and seek someone with character and integrity. Before I met my Savior and Lord Jesus Christ, I was just like that guy. If a guy treated me badly I would seek revenge big time. When you play the revenge game everyone suffers loss! The Bible is the best guide for relationships: “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and mutual upbuilding.” Romans 14:9 Builders finish first and bulldozers self-destruct to finish last! From God’s point of view, “mercy triumphs over judgment.” James 2:13

Would the people you know describe you as a builder or a bulldozer? If someone wrote your biography would this verse “Therefore encourage one another and build up one another.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 define you? Fall in love with the Master Builder Jesus and he will show you the best way!