Peace Comes When You Transition From

Anger To Acceptance

By Babs Kincaid

     Anger is a cruel drill sergeant, is what I learned growing up in the home of an angry alcoholic dad. God expresses it best: “Anger is cruel.” Proverbs 27:4a According to Strong’s Exhaustive concordance the Hebrew word #394 for cruel means “terrible.” My dad was a ticking time bomb who expected daily perfection from me. His tongue was like an arrow that pierced my heart as he tore me apart daily with disapproval and rebuke! Check out the perspective of the Creator of the universe: “A deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:4b  I felt pulverized like salt! As I grew up my love tank was depleted as the years progressed, until my love for him was replaced with pure anger and hate. 

          I spent many years carrying a backpack of anger that I felt justified to share with others. I had no idea that anger was ruling my life! God’s word shines the light on this issue: “sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7b I had relinquished my control to anger and it ruled me! I could not shake off the painful scenario, so I replayed it for others any chance I could. I wanted the world to know how I had been wronged! I was a bitter woman with a deadly poison infecting my mind, body, and spirit! Reliving my pain over and over again only prevented my painful wound from healing! I was unable to move forward in my life. Resentment filled my thoughts, as I felt my dad had stolen my childhood. Check out God’s viewpoint: “The godless in heart harbor resentment,” Job36:13 That was an accurate description of me. “Resentment limits our ability to live in the present. Holding on to resentment causes anger, stress, anxiety, depression, and frustration. Resentment keeps us focused on the person or situation causing the negative feelings. It prevents us from accepting God’s healing.” Twelve Steps for Christians by Friends in Recovery.  I viewed myself as a pitiful victim in life. I had no idea that my negative drama was offensive to others. I was stuck in a toxic cycle:

A = annoyance

N = negative emotion

G = grudge

E = enraging

R = resentment

“sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.” Genesis 4:7b

       When I finally allowed God to take the lead in my life, I learned that Jesus wanted joy to be my strength! I had been misguided into believing that anger was my strength. Check out the truth in God’s word: “Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.” Nehemiah 8:10 To break free from my prison, I had to forgive my dad and allow God to heal my broken heart. I made a list of all the lies my dad had told me and lined them against God’s word. I learned I wasn’t created to be condemned by my earthly father. God’s word says it best: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Romans 8:1 My dad had used anger to control me and my Savior Jesus has used mercy to love me! My dad had held me in bondage with his anger and my beloved Heavenly Father had set me free to love. 

“Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you…Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.” John 14:27

         When I transitioned from anger to acceptance, peace was my amazing reward. Anger is the second phase of the grief process and acceptance is the last. The grief process goes from shock, anger, negotiation, sorrow, to acceptance. The first two lines from The Serenity Prayer* hold some vital keys to acceptance: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” by theologian-philosopher Reinhold Niebuhr.

Forgiving my dad led to my accepting the abusive childhood I couldn’t change and my reward of serenity. I can now be thankful for the gift of mercy God gave me to minister to others because of my agonizing experience. Reaching out to others in compassion had replaced my motivation to react in anger and curse my dad!  God says it best: “Mercy triumphs over judgment.” James 2:13b Yea God for my victory and peace!!!

          *Serenity Prayer   “The prayer was originally conceived in response to the barbaric evil of Nazi Germany that threatened civilization itself during World War II…Reinhold was a first-generation German-American…who was safe from persecution but powerless to intervene against Hitler.” Susan Cheever from The Fix